Maradona eyeing up Premier League

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ARGENTINIAN legend Diego Maradona – whose mad cap management style with Argetina at this year’s World Cup was a little off the wall – is eyeing up a move to an English club side.
Over the summer, Maradona swore at the media, advocated as much sex as players liked ahead of matches and used football “firing squads” for punishing the losing teams in training.
Maradona said: “Yes, I would like to manage in the Premier League. It has very good teams, an exceptional level and great players.
“The only problem is all the teams I like in England already have good coaches.
“If any important job comes along I will accept it.”
Goaltastic’s fingers and toes are all crossed, and will remain so until this happens.

Lookalike – Roll up, roll up, Arsene Wenger’s Serkis

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OKAY, not the greatest similarity – more like a father and son thing perhaps – but every time I see actor Andy Serkis I’m reminded of Arsenal’s French manager Arsene Wenger.
It’s the nose, I think.
Got a lookalike that’s a little more looky likey? Share it in the comments below.

Slow down, Theo Walcott

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DID anyone ever tell Theo Walcott the tale of the tortoise and the hare?
Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has suggested that the speed demon’s pace is the reason behind his injury woes: “At his pace, when you get stopped, you are always vulnerable.
“When you play against a player who is so quick, sometimes you can mistime tackles.
“It’s not necessarily always that you want to hit him, but he is so quick that you think, ‘Now I can get the ball’, and it has gone away.”
So there’s your answer Theo, hold your horses young man – you never see David Beckham legging it about, and he’s like 100 or something.

RIP Paul The Psychic Octopus

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EVERYONE’S favourite cephalopod Paul the Psychic Octopus has died.
Stefan Porwoll, manager of the Oberhausen Sea Life Centre in Germany, said: “His success made him almost a bigger story than the World Cup itself.”
Paul predicted the winners of all Germany’s World Cup clashes, and then of the final by selecting one of two boxes, each loaded with a mussel food treat and marked on the outside with one of the teams.
Staff at the centre said his death was not entirely unexpected, since common octopuses generally only live a couple of years.
Mr Porwoll added: “He appears to have passed away peacefully during the night, of natural causes, and we are consoled by the knowledge that he enjoyed a good life here.
“We may decide to give Paul his own small burial plot within our grounds and erect a modest permanent shrine.”

Sven plays down Beckham talk

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SWEDISH Foxes boss Sven-Goran Eriksson has denied that Leicester will make an audacious attempt to sign David Beckham.
The Los Angeles Galaxy midfielder has twice joined AC Milan on loan during the MLS close season and it has been rumoured he could be on the move again in the new year.
Leicester have recently been taken over by Thai-based consortium Asia Football Investments and the ambitious owners have been linked with a move for Goldenballs- and Sven knows Beckham well from his England days.
But Sven said:”The story should be killed at once because it will not happen.
“There is nothing in it, but I can tell you that if David wants to come here to play football then he is more than welcome.
“If he wants to come, then come. But I doubt that he wants to play in the Championship.”

Every hole’s a goal for Liverpool

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A CHEEKY goal celebration was spotted after Liverpool’s Sotirios Kyrgiakos’s headed goal at the weekend.
As the Greek defender was mobbed by teammates for his goal against Blackburn, he got a bum deal.
For sneaky Argentine midfielder Maxi Rodriguez was captured on camera jabbing his finger into Kyrgiakos’s exposed backside in the scrum.
Let’s hope it wasn’t a choreographed celebration from the Reds – and if it was, let’s hope their season doesn’t take a turn for the better…

World record success after 60 hour football match

IMAGINE playing an entire Premier League campaign’s worth of football matches back to back, and then playing on for three more hours.
Two teams of 18 footballers from Loughborough did just that to smash the Guinness World Record for the longest football match ever played , completing a 60 hour goalfest last weekend in aid of Breast Cancer Campaign.
The game kicked off at Loughborough University at 9am on Friday, October 22, and when the final whistle blew at 9pm on the Sunday, The Pink Panthers had won beating the Black Eagles 756 to 746.
Organiser Ricardo Braganza, 21, said: “My team mates and I can’t believe we’re world record breakers, it’s such an amazing achievement for us.”
To contribute to the fund-raising visit

Mark Hughes, watch your back

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THREE months late, Fulham FC have kindly informed me I did not get the manager’s job.
After Roy Hodgson left Craven Cottage after hearing Liverpool’s streets were paved with gold, the hotseat at Fulham was vacant for some time – so I kindly offered my services…
And although Mark Hughes may be gaffer at present, he should be warned that Fulham are keeping my CV on file, just in case.
A spokesman for the club said: “Thank you for submitting your CV in regard to suitable vacancies at Fulham Football Club.
“Unfortunately we are not recruiting for any vacancies which are suited to your skills and experience at present; however we would like to keep your CV on our files for the next six months so that we may contact you should a suitable vacancy arise in this time.
“I would also like to make you aware that we advertise all of our vacancies on our website; our website address is and vacancies can be found under the Club tab.
“Thank you for your interest in Fulham Football Club.”
Watch out, Sparky.

Goaltastic League Update – Gameweek 9

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THERE’S no change at the top of the table this week – with the top six all maintaining their status quo.
That mean’s Huge Tackle is still top ahead of my Ashletico side, with a slender advantage of eight points.
Movement wise, Taurages Tauras is up to seventh and Melchester Rovers move up to eight, at the expense of Dirty Sons of Pitchs and So Long Sousa!, who make up the remainder of the top 10 teams.
Other teams on the up include The Cream Crackers (11), Partizan Endmorvia (12), Your Mum FC (14) and Chicharito’s Champs (18).
Bottom of the pile remains the same, poor old AC Banana.
Want to enter your team in the inaugural Goaltastic league?
To do so, put together a team for free here, and then join the competition by using the code 183-84.
Further League Updates will be blogged here throughout the season.

A brand new Man U? Transfer Target XI

IF TODAY’S papers are to be believed – and, as a journalist, I can assure you they should be, 100 per cent – Wayne Rooney was convinced to stay at Manchester United in part because of assurances that top players will be brought in.
Some have gone as far as to say an entire new starting XI – or X if you keep Rooney in the team, of course – is being lined up.
A little harsh on the likes of Nani, Vidic and Evra, one might think, but nevertheless, with a hefty pinch of salt and a lot of wading through transfer rumours, is Sir Alex Ferguson’s starting team for 12 months time –
GK – Maarten Stekelenburg
DEF – Lassana Diarra, Per Mertesacker, Gary Cahill, Gareth Bale
MID – Karim Benzema, Wesley Sneijder, Franck Ribery
ATK – Luis Suarez, Wayne Rooney, Hulk