Off me head son!

A NEW report has found that footballers should head the ball less than 1,000 times a year – or risk brain damage.
A US study using brain scans on amateur players found that repeatedly heading the ball leads to similar results to concussion patients.
Lead researcher Dr Michael Lipton of Montefiore Medical Center, the university hospital for the Albert Einstein College of Medicine, said: “Heading a soccer ball is not an impact of a magnitude that will lacerate nerve fibres in the brain.
“But repetitive heading could set off a cascade of responses that can lead to degeneration of brain cells.”

Goaltastic Fantasy Football League – Gameweek 13

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THERE’S no change at the top of the Goaltastic league this week – Debbie Does Gallas still starring at the top of the tree heading into the festive season.
However a new team is presenting the biggest challenge – my very own Ashletico, who have shuffled up to second place.
As a result Kirk United drop to third, while Ninja Avengers (4) and Taurages Tauras (5) both climb towards the summit.
Broski’s United (37) post the best Gameweek score – a ma-hoo-sive 79 points.
To enter the league for free, visit and then join the competition by using the code 1006-813.

Frozenballs! Beckham mulls Dancing on Ice offer

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CONFLICTING reports in today’s newspapers suggest that David Beckham faces a choice between donning the strip of Paris St Germain or something a little sparklier…
Because the midfielder, whose contract with LA Galaxy is coming to an end, needs to find a way to keep up his fitness levels ahead of the Team GB selection for London 2012.
According to Leonardo, manager of PSG, Beckham is in talks with the club over a short term spell with the French side lining up with the likes of Javier Pastore, Jeremy Menez and Mevlut Erdinc.
However, according to teen pop sensation Justin Bieber – a friend of Goldenballs’s – Beckham will be joining the likes of Rosemary Conley and Kirk from Corrie on the TV talent show.
Tough one, Becks.

Korean teen applies to be Bath City manager… more than 100 times

BATH City, a semi-professional football club who play in the Conference, have been inundated by manager applications from a 17-year-old South Korean.
The ongoing correspondance from Won Jae Yang – more than 100 e-mails and counting – has prompted the Somerset side to dedicate a page on their website to the wannabe Wenger, and even poll fans as to whether they should give him a shot!
Acording to the site, Yang says: “On its last game, I believe that that the Bath City’ played well but has not 1played to its full potential.
“The current ranking shows you that. Honestly, I do not understand Manager, His tactic fluctuates harshly.
“He does not satisfy Bath City’s passion.
“I was born in 1994 but I believe that my young age should not be an obstacle. I will show you in person of my abilities in just 2~3 games. I guarantee you that the Bath City will be changed for the better.”
C’mon, Chelsea gave youngster Andre Villas-Boas a shot – if you’re behind Yang, e-mail and let Bath City know!
I know I am.

‘Female’ defender helps team to first ever win

AMERICAN Samoa – the country ranked last in the world by FIFA – have recorded their first ever win, with the help of a transgender defender.
Johnny ‘Jayieh’ Saelua, making his international debut, helped the team to a 2-1 win over Tonga, their first win after 30 straight defeats.
He was named man of the match in the process.
Jayieh, a man who was raised as a woman – a common practice known as ‘fa’afafine’ in Samoa – said: “The team accept me and we have that mutual respect. Which is great. It’s all part of the culture.”
Coach Thomas Rongen said: “I’ve really got a female starting at centre back.
“Can you imagine that in England or Spain?”

Club condoms for European celebration

PASSIONATE Benfica fans can now swell with pride when they wear their club’s colours – with a set of 12 souvenir condoms.
To help mark the 50th anniversary of their European Cup triumph, the Portuguese side – who lined up against Manchester United tonight in the Champions League for a 2-2 draw – have released the unique merchandise.
Designs include the club badge, and the club’s Latin motto ‘E pluribus unum’ which means ‘Out of many, one’.
Must… resist… crude jokes…

Goaltastic Fantasy Football League – Gameweek 12

A NEW leader has climbed to the top of the Goaltastic League this week.
Sitting pretty in the lofty heights of top spot are Debbie Does Gallas, who knock Kirk United down to second after posting the highest score of anyone this week, 85 points.
Yeah, whatever, Goaltastic’s in-house team Ashletico is now in third. Get in.
A special mention must go to new entry, Silverdome FC, who enter in last place – which is hardly surprising, as they only entered the game this week, giving them an overall total of 27 points, a mere 678 off the top spot!

Voice of Final Score didn’t know the rules of football

GOLDEN-voiced broadcaster Tim Gudgin, who retires on Saturday from reading the BBC’s Final Score football results to the nation, has admitted he does not even understand the rules of the game.
Gudgin, best known for his distinctive rising and falling intonation, is hanging up his microphone after more than 60 years of broadcasting.
He said: “My main interests used to be rugby, cricket, golf and tennis.
“At school I didn’t have the chance to play football.
“I don’t even understand all the rules – although I just about understand the offside rule.”

WAG sets kitchen on fire with Christmas cookery

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FIREFIGHTERS were called out to Emile Heskey’s home after his other half, Chantelle Tagoe, set the kitchen alight.
The WAG – a former Come Dine With Me contestant, no less – set a roast pork joint alight while practising ahead of preparing the Aston Villa man’s Christmas dinner.
She tweeted: “OMG set the fire alarm off + almost burnt me pork! Smoke evrywer! SHAAAME the firemen av turned up.”
Followed shortly by: “At least I no me fire alarm works! Me mum was made up with all the hunky firemen in me kitchen! hahaha.”