Team talk

THERE’S potentially millions of England managers out there, especially in the run-up to the World Cup, so – if you’re reading this, FA – cards on the table, I thought I’d devise my personal 23-man squad to take to South Africa.
Let’s see if me and Mr Cappello think alike…
First on the team sheet must be Rooney, so I’ll start up front.
Alongside the talismanic Liverpudlian would be Carlton Cole and Goaltastic favourite Peter Crouch – with Heskey omitted and melted down for glue at the earliest opportunity.
In attack, Defoe and Zamora would also be on the plane – I like my options up front, okay?
In midfield, you’d be a fool not to have Lampard, Gerrard and Milner on the left as certains, with only right wing up for debate – personally I’d start Lennon, with Walcott the super sub and Bentley as variety.
Filling up the midfield berths are Carrick, Barry and Downing.
In defence, Johnson, Terry, Ferdinand and Cole have it, with Baines, Brown and Upson on the bench.
In nets, Green and Hart can draw straws.
World-beaters? Let me know below.

Make Emile of it

ACCORDING to new research, bumbling target man Emile Heskey is one of the best things to think about during sex.
The lumbering Aston Villa forward was recommended by a majority of men surveyed as the perfect thought to make romps last longer – better than Thomas The Tank Engine, mathematical puzzles or repeating “unique New York” in your head.
Unless, of course, you are Fabio Cappello – who must have some sort of crush, considering he keeps picking the goal shy striker for England.