Sold (ado) – Spurs’ Spanish signing is confirmed

SPANISH international striker Roberto Soldado is heading to White Hart Lane, a director at his current club Valencia has confirmed.
In a tweet, Antonio Sese has today confirmed that the striker, who has scored 59 goals in 101 games for Spanish side Valencia, has been secured by Tottenham.
The Premier League side have seen off rivals for his signature including Liverpool by matching his 30 million Euro buyout clause – an offer cash-strapped Valencia couldn’t refuse.
The news will surely be welcomed by Spurs fans, who have been waiting about five years for a truly world class striker to join the club which Soldado could well be – and next season should be an exciting one for the Lilywhites, if they can only hang on to star man Gareth Bale this summer as well…

Dortmund chairman relieved the pressure in Bernabeu toilets

BORUSSIA Dortmund chairman Hans-Joachim Watzke locked himself in a Bernabeu toilet as he could not bare to watch the final minutes of last night’s Champions League win over Real Madrid.
The German side conceded two late goals before clinging on to secure a 4-3 aggregate win and book their place in the final at Wembley.
He said: “It seems like we only can do it with drama – for the first time in my life I had to give up due to heart problems.
“I went to the toilet for the last minutes, locked myself in, covered my ears and looked at my watch. I had all kinds of thoughts going through my head.”

Special One not a grand enough title for Mourinho

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THE Special One Jose Mourinho has decided that the title no longer does him justice – and from henceforth would like a new title.
Reflecting on his win in Spain’s La Liga, which adds to his two English, two Italian and two Portuguese titles, he decided The Only One would be more appropriate.
He said: “Like me or not, I am the only one who won the world’s three most important leagues.
“So, maybe instead of the ‘Special One’, people should start calling me the ‘Only One’.”

Cazorla to Arsenal: “It’s done”

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A PROPER genuine bona fide newspaper, French outlet L’Equipe, has tonight declared that Spanish sensation Santi Cazorla is an Arsenal player.
The paper claims that the Malaga attacking midfielder has passed a medical for the Gunners today, and is all set to transfer to the Premier League outfit – reported elsewhere to be a deal worth £17m-£18m.
They say: “The diminutive winger (1m67), a specialist in free kicks, is the third summer signing from Arsenal after Germany’s Lukas Podolski and French Olivier Giroud.”
Cazorla, Podolski, Giroud – could these impressive signings be the statement of intent needed to force a Van Persie U-turn?

England climb to fourth in world – Brazil not in top 10

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THE new FIFA World Rankings have been released, with Euro 2012 efforts helping England rise to fourth in the world.
Top spot is Spain’s, while Germany and Uruguay are the other teams above the Three Lions.
Brazil have dropped below Denmark into 11th place – the first time that the World Cup 2014 hosts have been outside the top 10 since the rankings system began.
The top 20 in full is –
1. Spain 2. Germany 3. Uruguay 4. England 5. Portugal 6. Italy 7. Argentina 8. Netherlands 9. Croatia 10. Denmark 11. Brazil 12. Greece 13. Russia 14. France 15. Chile 16. Ivory Coast 17. Sweden 18. Czech Republic 19. Mexico 20. Japan

Don’t Be Sad About Euro 2012 Finishing XI

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SO IT’S all done and dusted – the magnificently entertaining Euro 2012 tournament has finished with a Spanish blaze of glory.
But don’t be sad – there’s plenty of footballing fun to get excited about.
First we have Team GB’s men and women taking on the world at London 2012, and then a new Premier League season kicks off, and while it’s early days, there’s some excellent signings being made already.
So here’s an XI to get excited about gracing the Premier League next season. Admittedly the defence is a bit iffy, but my God they’ll be good going forward –
GK – Foster
DEF – Cuellar, Nelson, Whittaker
MID – Marin, Kagawa, Sigurdsson, Hazard, Podolski
ATK – Petric, Giroud

Bilbao boo-boo as fans fly to soundalike city

A GROUP of 400 Athletic Bilbao fans missed their team’s Europa League final after flying to the wrong country.
While their team was playing out a 3-0 loss to Spanish rivals Athletico Madrid, courtesy of goals from Falcao (2) and Diego, the group of fans was desperately trying to make it to Romania from nearby Hungary.
The reason – they flew to Budapest instead of Bucharest, where the final was held.