Premiershipping Forecast – Ibrahimovic is the Swede we need

ON THE RADAR – Zlatan Ibrahimovic
CURRENT SIDE – Paris St Germain
POSSIBLE PREM TEAMS – Chelsea, Manchester City
THE LOWDOWN – News today is that Man Utd striker Wayne Rooney could be snaffled up for a cool £40m by PSG – leaving Sweden’s finest Zlatan Ibrahimovic free to move on.
The nomadic forward has long terrorised defences around Europe but never made it to the Premier League.
But should he be on the move, the rumour mill has ground out the names of Chelsea and Manchester City as potential suitors – although a move back to Italy and AC MIlan is also on the cards, say the papers.

Premiershipping Forecast – How now, Falcao

WELCOME to my new transfer target feature, the appallingly-named Premiershipping Forecast.
Goaltastic will be casting its eye over some of the bigger names which could be plying their footballing trade on these shores come August.
Here’s our first…
ON THE RADAR – Radamel Falcao
CURRENT SIDE – Atletico Madrid
POSSIBLE PREM TEAMS – Chelsea, Manchester City
THE LOWDOWN – Atletico Madrid manager Diego Simeone has said he will not bear any grudge if star striker Radamel Falcao decides to seek a new challenge – which he looks likely to.
Falcao has scored 32 goals in 36 appearances in all competitions so far this season and has been linked with a summer move to French side Monaco, as well as – fingers crossed – Manchester City and Chelsea.
The 27-year-old clinical Colombian forward is under contract with Atletico until 2016 – but boss Simeone says said he would give Falcao his blessing if he decides to move.

Smeared excrement was a blessing, says Holloway

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IAN Holloway has thanked whoever left excrement in Crystal Palace’s dressing room prior to their play-off semi-final at Brighton for giving him the easiest team talk of his career.
The Eagles were greeted by the disgusting deposit when they arrived at the Amex Stadium for last Monday’s second leg.
Holloway’s side were big underdogs – but two Wilfried Zaha goals secured a 2-0 win and a Wembley final against Watford.
Eagles boss Holloway said: “I have to thank that person for doing me the biggest favour.
“I didn’t have to gee the players up at all, in fact I had to calm them down. I’ve never seen a look like that on Wilf’s face.
“So how stupid is that person? He got Palace to play like that.
“It never ceases to amaze me, how low will some people go?”
Brighton have formally apologised to Palace and launched an internal investigation over the incident.

Goaltastic Fantasy Football League – The Results

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AFTER a season of turmoil and ups and downs in the Goaltastic League, in the end, the status quo won out.
Because in the final gameweek of the season, the entire top 10 maintained their positions – meaning Benjamin Ng’s LookMumNoHands is the winner of the league and a spot in our Hall Of Fame.
Massive, massive congratulations, and just a splash of jealousy.
A little too late, climbers on the final week include 11th placed Team Punishment, 15th placed Transact United, and 19th placed Dalgas FC.
For the record books, Goaltastic’s Ashletico squad finished in 16th place.
Final Gameweek top scorer was Ajax Caldicot FC, in 58th place, who notched a massive 97 points.
See you all next season, then.

Premiership Predictions – the result

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MANCHESTER United won the Premier League – check.
Manchester City second – check.
Chelsea and Arsenal qualify for the Champions League – check.
Spurs pushing them close – check.
Smug face – check.
Liverpool pushing for Europe – errr…
Nevertheless, this has undoubtedly been my best ever year for Premier League predictions, and to prove it click here to see my punditry from last August.
I’ll be milking this one over the close season, I can tell you.

Wayne Tooney! Are Newcastle in talks for Manchester United striker?

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AN ARTICLE published and then removed from Newcastle United owner Mike Ashley’s business site said his club are talking to Rooney’s agent.
Outgoing Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson revealed recently that Wayne Rooney has handed in a transfer request.
A move to Europe has been suggested as the England striker’s most likely move – but SportsDirect reported “the Magpies have already sounded out Rooney’s agent over a potential move, with United keen to offload the 27-year-old,” adding: “Rooney is seen as a perfect candidate to boost the Magpies’ chances of a top-four tilt next season – and is seen as a man who will be hero-worshipped at St James’ Park.”
The article has now been replaced with an apology.

Goaltastic Fantasy Football League – Gameweek 37

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HEADING into the final gameweek of the season, there are still a handful of teams who could realistically still take home the Goaltastic title and a spot in our hall of fame.
Altogether now – ooooooooo!
Sitting at the top of the tree looking to protect a slender four point lead is LookMumNoHands, ahead of climber Just Pass It! (2) and former league winner Can’t Touch This (3) and outside chance FC Geesus (4), who top scored this gameweek with 83 to remain in contention.
Best of luck to them all.

Mancini finally handed his P45

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MANCHESTER City manager Roberto Mancini has been sacked, the Barclays Premier League club have announced after a day of awkward silence on the issue.
The 48-year-old’s future had been the subject of intense scrutiny over the last few days.
Mancini learned on Monday night that he had been relieved of his duties after failing to achieve any of the club’s “stated targets” for the season.
The news comes exactly a year to the day after City won the Premier League in dramatic circumstances on the final day of last season.
But it is Mancini’s failure to build on that achievement that has seen his three-and-a-half year tenure brought to an end.
Somewhere in Manchester, a charity shop is expecting delivery of a large bag full of light blue scarves.

Make ‘outstanding’ Fergie a noble say MPs

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MANCUNIAN MPs have called for Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson to be ennobled and elevated to the House of Lords.
The 71-year-old announced yesterday he is to retire as Red Devils boss at the end of the season following a silverware-laden 26 years at Old Trafford.
Everton boss David Moyes has today been confirmed as his replacement on a six-year contract.
Greater Manchester area MPs Graham Stringer (Blackley and Broughton) and Paul Goggins (Wythenshawe and Sale East) have hailed Sir Alex’s “unparalleled success” at United and Aberdeen.
In an early day motion (EDM), the pair said they believe he should be “immediately ennobled and elevated to the House of Lords”.
John Leech (Manchester Withington) has also put forward an EDM asking the House of Commons to note Sir Alex’s “outstanding contribution” to football.
He asked the Commons to further note “the joy he has brought to fans of Manchester United, and despair to fans of other teams” during his 26-year tenure.

‘Spurs should miss out on Champions League’

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ARSENAL and Chelsea should pip Spurs to the Champions League places for next season, say surfers of this site.
A few days ago, Goaltastic posted a poll to ask which of the three sides currently contesting the two Champions League berths alongside Manchester United and Manchester City should miss out.
And after a huge number of votes in just a couple of days, an overwhelming majority (61.98 per cent) feel that Tottenham should finish fifth, rather than Arsenal (18.23 per cent) and Chelsea (19.79 per cent).
Of course, the reality of the situation may not match the results of the poll – but whatever happens it should be an exciting run in this season.