Latics’ Owl of pain

AN OLDHAM Athletic fan is being hunted after a barney with a mascot led to them assaulting the giant owl.
Chaddy The Owl’s feathers were ruffled by one of the Latics’ own fans before kick off at Tuesday’s League One match at Preston North End.
Chaddy was reportedly “shaken up” by the incident.
Latics Chief Executive Alan Hardy said: “Obviously we are shocked and disappointed to hear of these allegations.
“I have made contact with my counterpart at Preston to ask if there is any CCTV coverage in the area concerned which they are looking into.
“Luckily Chaddy is alright, but it was an unpleasant incident and one we do not want to see repeated ever again.
“Chaddy is a great ambassador for the club and should be treated with respect at all times.”
Anyone who witnessed the incident is asked to contact the club.

Goaltastic Fantasy Football League – Gameweek Nine

SOME big scores and some distinctly average ones pepper the Goaltastic league this week – with a new leader.
The teams that backed the right teams this week – after both Chelsea and Manchester United faltered – did some impressive work climbing the rankings, topped by Sir Steve Kirk’s Kirk United.
Unreal Madrid (4) continue to apply pressure on the leaders, while teams placing 6-10 are all climbers too – Ninja Avengers, Ruff Tuff Bluff Stuf, my 11, Alien Resurrection and Huth Yo’ Daddy respectively.
All this means my squad Ashletico drop to 12th place.
Sniff.
Going2Exeter (25) notched the best score of the week, with 71. Wowsers.
To enter the league for free, visit fantasy.premierleague.com and then join the competition by using the code 1006-813.

Goaltastic Fantasy Football League – Gameweek Eight

TWO teams trumped table-topping VZ Vampires to give the league a new first and a new second placed squad.
Debbie Does Gallas, managed by one of last season’s strongerst competitors Andy Forscutt, is now league leader after a 48-point gameweek, followed by Kirk United in second.
Also in the top 10 2uibestow climb to fifth, and my own team Ashletico also climb to eigth. My 11 are also on the up in ninth.
Ninja Avengers (18) recorded the biggest score of the week with 65.
To enter the league for free, visit fantasy.premierleague.com and then join the competition by using the code 1006-813.

Forget the Wayne drain – take Rooney to the Euros!

ENGLAND fans may have noticed that England talisman Wayne Rooney has been slapped with a three match ban – effectively ruling him out of the group stages of next summer’s European Championships.
Talk is rife that as a result the short-tempered striker should be dropped for the tournament by Fabio Capello, to prevent a ‘Wayne drain’ by having him mooch about with nothing to do, disrupting the team.
Goaltastic wants to nip this all in the bud.
Rooney is undeniably our best player, the fulcrum which England pivot around, and on his day can be the difference in any match.
Yes, he’ll have to kick his heels through the group stages – but Fabio has to trust his squad to have enough to get through the group, regardless of the draw, and Rooney won’t be the only Englishman there not playing – David Beckham was taken to South Africa as a besuited mascot after all last year.
And imagine the boost when Rooney finally does take to the field when the knock-out competition begins…

Heskey the new Beckenbaur

ASTON Villa fans, I have a sinking feeling for you…
Villa boss Alex McLeish is planning on playing lumbering ex-England striker Emile Heskey as a central defender.
McLeish has been gushing over the goal-shy forward’s ability, likening him to German legend Franz Beckenbaur.
McLeish said: “We now know what Emile can do. He can play in any position. I could even play him at the back without any fears.
“We played him at centre-back last week in training and he was spraying the ball about as if I was watching Franz Beckenbauer.
“He is a brilliant all-round player, he understands the game and we need him in the squad.”
New Dion Dublin more like…

Fans attack player over poor form

FANS of Brazilian outfit Palmeiras attacked their own team’s players over their side’s losing streak.
The eight-times champions of Brazil are currently ninth in the league, and as a result fans turned on midfielder Joao Vitor after he decided to visit the stadium shop.
Police say he was punched and kicked outside the Palestra Italia stadium, sustaining minor injuries forcing him to visit hospital.

German ref sees red over seeing double

A GERMAN referee demanded an identical twin be substituted before he would officiate the match.
In an amateur clash involving TSV Sackenbach, man in black Reinhold Bieberich reportedly refused to allow the second half to kick off after the club brought on identical twins Luke and Felix Termathe – claiming he could not tell the difference between the pair.
As a result Felix was subbed off before the game could continue. Brother Luke was yellow carded but allowed to play – and was then sent off for a second infringement.
After the match it emerged that three years previously ref Bieberich was the victim of an assault following a match – but the case was thrown out of court as the attacker had been an identical twin and it was impossible to prove which twin had carried out the crime.
Sackenbach have launched a lawsuit over the incident.

Lookalike – Greece is the word for Warnock

I WAS watching classic ’80s blockbuster Clash of the Titans the other day when it occurred to me that squishy faced troublemaker Calibos looks a whole lot like squishy faced troublemaker Neil Warnock.
Whaddya reckon?

Disciplinarian Jol fines himself

FULHAM manager Martin Jol has been ruffling feathers with his hard line recently, fining a teenage player for missing a spotkick – and now it has emerged that Jol has fined himself over the incident as well.
Swiss midfielder Pajtim Kasami missed a penalty against Chelsea in the Carling Cup, and Jol fined him £500 as he was not the designated spotkick taker.
But as Jol then realised he hadn’t told anyone bar the correct penalty taker Orlando Sa this, he has now fined himself.

Fans thrown out for scoring

TWO over-excited Bayern Munich fans – or under-stimulated, perhaps – were thrown out of their team’s tie with Hoffenheim for having sex in the stands.
The German couple were caught indulging in a bit of slap and tickle in the capacity crowd during the first half and stopped by stewards.
But after resuming their rumpy pumpy at half time of the 0-0 draw, officials had choice but to eject the pair from the stadium prematurely.
An eyewitness said: “They had absolutely no inhibitions. Both pulled their pants down and went at it.”