Hazard ahead for top English club

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RISING star Eden Hazard has flashed a warning to his current employers that he’s heading to England.
While ruling out a January move from French club Lille as the Ligue 1 side are currently in the title race, Hazard has pledged to move to the Premier League this summer.
In an interview with Canal+, he said: “I have over 100 Ligue 1 matches, I’m young but I want to know something else. Paris is tempting with the players there now but I prefer to go abroad.
“I think I’m heading to England, the style of play suits me there and I think it’s in this league that I can learn as much.
“We know the great English clubs. It will be a club where I’m sure to play with a play style that suits me.
“I don’t know for which club I’ll sign yet. Manchester, Chelsea, Arsenal and Tottenham are all great.”

Cisse in the queue at QPR

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SINCE taking over the reins at QPR, Mark Hughes has been by far the most active manager this January Transfer Window.
The Welshman has already bought in Nedum Onuoha and Taye Taiwo as well as Federico Macheda on loan, with rumours of more players heading in before February 1.
And one of the rumours Goaltastic is excited at the prospect of is former Liverpool and Sunderland striker returning to England.
The French striker, officially the Lord of Frodsham Manor, has a playing style as eccentric as his hairdos, all heads-down sprints and thunderbolt shots, and he always livens up proceedings.
And according to Cisse a move from his current barren patch at Lazio could be on the cards for ¬£5m: “The transfer market is not over. There are a few days left and you never know what may happen.”

Goaltastic Fantasy Football League – Gameweek 22

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A GAMEWEEK of mixed fortunes has caused plenty of movement in the Goaltastic League.
The top three – Bangkok Foxes (1), Canons Ablaze (2), and Ashletico (3) – stay as they are.
But the likes of StooshermadnessFC (4), Ninja Avengers (7) and Wolfmans Brother (8) rise with big scores in the 60s and 70s, while other high fliers like Trad Bricks (6) and Taurages Tauras (12) only mustered scores in the 20s and 30s.
The pattern continues the length of the table – with a high score of 75 from CescforBarca (15) contrasting with a lowly 20 posted by Singha (74) and St Hatrick’s (56).

Hooray for the African Cup of Nations

While the Premier League plodded on today around the country on a cold, wet, windy day, the African Cup of Nations alos kicked off, in the slighter sunnier climes of Equatorial Guinea and Gabon.
Co-hosts Guinea – a massive underdog – stole a deserved 1-0 win over Libya, while Zambia again upset the odds defying Senegal 2-1.
If the competition continues in this manner, it’ll be more unpredictable than a drunken Mario Balotelli hosting the National Lottery, and I cannot wait for more.
But if you weren’t tuned in to enjoy the speculative attacking-meets-disorganised defending spectacle this evening, rest assured there’s four more weeks of the competition to come.
And in the meantime, you can enjoy the track above, the official track of the official mascot Gaguie, who I love.

Hahnemann to record heavy metal track

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HEAVY metal fan and former best goalkeeper in the world Marcus Hahnemann has recorded a track with rock band Malefice.
For J√§germeister’s latest ‘Ice Cold’ Studio Session – where rock bands and icons meet for the first time in a recording studio and ‘break the ice’ by working on a track together – Brit band today joined forces with Everton stopper Hahnemann
Hahnemann said: “Getting ready for a game always includes some heavy rock to get me going.
“Hopefully my love of music and their love of football with translate to a really cool track!”
Vocalist, Dale Butler commented: “We’re really stoked to be recording a special track with Marcus Hahnemann.
“Given that before every game he listens to Five Finger Death Punch or Slipknot to ‘get himself psyched’ for the game has to be a pretty good indicator of where his musical tastes are!
“This collaboration of Football and Metal is gonna be something you won’t want to miss.”

Goaltastic Fantasy Football League – Gameweek 21

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ANOTHER close gameweek sees the top teams in the Goaltastic League – Bangkok Foxes (1), Canons Ablaze (2) and Ashletico (3) – maintaining their places.
Below them Trad Bricks rises up to fourth, while Ninja Avengers (9), Dobie Wanderers (12), Unreal Madrid (15), Hersham Boys (16), My 11 (17) and Cesc4Barca (18) also climb.
I Haven’t A Kalou! clearly do – as the 45th placed squad top scored this week with 72 points.

Hannover coach asks his players about legovers

THE coach of German side Hannover 96 has asked his players to complete a psychological survey to find out their hidden desires.
The voluntary quiz, issued by Mirko Slomka, asks the Bundesliga players to grade 128 statements such as “I am what you could call sexually unrestrained”; “I want any sex I can get” and “I have a lot of erotic fantasies”.
Slomka, who says he will show any of the players his if they show him theirs, so to speak, said: “With this test I know how I can best reach each player.
“Each player needs different conditions to perform at his best over a long period. This is what I have to look into.
“Every player should have the feeling that his individuality is being considered.”
Judging by the muck the tabloids manage to rake on a pretty regular basis, let’s hope these sort of tests are not carried out on any Prem stars any time soon…

Goaltastic Fantasy Football League – Gameweek 20

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TAKE a bow, Herman Athletic.
Despite sitting in a lowly 74th place, the squad scored a whopping 111 points, the only three figure total posted this Gameweek.
Plenty of other teams posted high totals in a round of matches, effectively cancelling each other out – with no movement inside the top nine.
Team Punishment are the first team on the up, shifting up into 10th. Others climbing include Dobie Wanderers (13), Wolfmans Brother (14), Unreal Madrid (15), Hersham Boys (16), 2uibestow (17), FC Barsenalona (22), New Wortley Warriors (24) and Shipthecheese (25).

World XI

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FIFA have named their World XI this week in a star-studded ceremony.
And as I’m sure you can guess it contains Lionel Messi – who also won the best player award, for the third year on the trot.
Barcelona boss Pep Guardiola was named best coach, while Brazilian team Santos’ star Neymar scored the Puskas Award for the best goal of the calendar year.
A special award was also made to Manchester United’s long-serving Sir Alex Ferguson.
The World XI in full is –
GK – Iker Casillas
DEF – Dani Alves, Gerard Pique, Nemanja Vidic, Sergio Ramos
MID – Xavi, Xabi Alonso, Andres Iniesta
ATK – Lionel Messi, Wayne Rooney, Cristiano Ronaldo

Lookalike – Moneyman Phil Jones

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TODAY’S humdinger of an FA Cup tie between Manchester United and Manchester City was not short of talking points.
Was the Red Devils’ 3-2 win down to Kompany’s red card?
Was Kompany’s challenge worthy of a red?
Was it a penalty? Should there have been two more penalties?
Can Manchester United use this result to find Premier League form?
Just how freakin’ tall is City keeper Costel Pantilimon?
But for me the million dollar question is, how much does Phil Jones look like a 50p coin front on?