Goaltastic is away

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JUST a quick note to say that for the next fortnight Goaltastic is not being updated – me, the WAG and the kids are taking a break to lie around the place sunning ourselves.
That said, it’s not going to be as relaxing as that sounds – we’ll probably do our best Andy Carroll impressions by drinking beer in the sun before falling off a bar stool and having a fight.
Apologies in advance for the lack of Fantasy Football League updates, and pretty please no Rooney-style sweary rants in the comments until I get back.

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West Ham WAG to turn TV talent judge

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WAG Frankie Sandford is being lined up as a judge for TV talent show The X-Factor by the show’s organisers.
The pop singer girlfriend of West Ham’s Wayne Bridge, a veteran of S Club Juniors and member of The Saturdays, could be set to run the rule over contestants should Cheryl Cole head Stateside.
A show insider said: “Frankie has all the right ingredients for an X Factor judge – she looks great, she can hold her own and she’s been there.
“The Saturdays have had to work hard so she knows what the wannabes are going through.
“Just like Cheryl, Frankie is young and glamorous and someone the contestants can relate to.”

Extreme football mascot is a cut above

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WHEN you hear the words ‘football mascot’, you tend think of a man in a giant cute-suit, or a small child in a football strip… well not in Portland, they don’t.
As I learned on the excellent Dirty Tackle blog today, the new-to-MLS Portland Timbers team have plumped for a giant hairy ogre of a man with a live chainsaw.
Cripes.
The hulking Timber Joey – who is also a rugby player and bare back bucking bronco rider – acts as the team cheerleader and frequently gets his throbbing chopper out to cut a slice of wood from a trunk he brings to matches to hand to goalscorers.
I think he may be my favourite football mascot of all time – can anyone suggest a contender?

Gomes predicts more howlers…

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SPURS keeper Heurelho Gomes has spoken out over his butterfingers moment versus Real Madrid – warning there will be more mistakes to come!
Cristiano Ronaldo scored his 40th goal of the season last night after a speculative shot from range was blundered into the net by the Spurs keeper.
And Gomes – whose time at Spurs has been littered with gaffes as well as good games – said: “The ball moved a little bit but it was a mistake and I accept it.
“This was not my first mistake and I know it will not be the last one in my career, but I need to show character like I did before.
“It was a difficult moment for me but I have to look forward because I know how important that is for the team.”

Everything but the goals from exiting Spurs…

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DESPITE a quite simply shocking error by Heurelho Gomes tonight and a failure to make the Real Madrid net bulge, I did enjoy tonight’s match.
I’m not a dyed in the wool Spurs fan, but any neutral who has followed the club’s first Champions League campaign cannot have a criticism – and judging by the way the good natured White Hart Lane faithful were egging their side on to find a goal even in the final 10 minutes, neither do they.
It’s been a rollercoaster ride from Young Boys onwards, with handfuls of goals for and against – one which reminded me of my team Middlesbrough’s one European outing in the then UEFA cup – and win lose or draw it’s never been anything but entertaining.
Juxtapose that with the dire spectacle of Manchester City’s pragmatic and ultimately failed European adventure this season, and I think I know who the man on the fence will be rooting for to make fourth place in the Premier League this season…
As they say round those parts, come on you Spurs.

Fans’ flag covers two stands of stadium

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URUGUAYAN club side Penarol’s fans unfurled a record-breaking flag last night to mark their 120th birthday.
At their Libertadores Cup match with Independiente the 15,000 square metre, 1,880kg flag was revealed – and it covered nearly half of the stadium.
The flag with the team’s yellow and black colours took four months to make, cost $33,500 and took 300 fans just to carry to the ground.
Fan Victor Bedrossian said: “Penarol could present the flag to the Guinness Book of Records to be recognised as the biggest ever created.”
Next time, perhaps just get a cake, eh?

‘Bear strangling’ beast heading for Stoke

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NEVER ones to shy away from the physical side of the game, Stoke City are reportedly lining up a move for fearsome Turkish defender Servet “Ayibogan” Cetin – whose nickname translates as “a man who could choke a bear”.
The 30-year-old Galatasary central defender has been watched by manager Tony Pulis, ahead of an expected £1.5m bid in the summer.
Despite his fearsome reputation – other nicknames include Bionic Servet and The Terminator for his ability to shake off serious injuries – he is also known for his penchant for singing Turkish folk songs, apparently.
But should he sign Goaltastic would advise Robert Huth not to turn up to training in a fur coat, just in case…