Copa load of my hair

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WHAT a remarkable shave!
The Copa America tournament kicks off tomorrow, and to mark the occasion I have persuaded the WAG to shave me a Brazilian.
No, not like that.
Here’s the evidence of me looking like a player who is sure to be one of the stars of the show, Santos midfielder Neymar, who is thought to be on the verge of a big money move to one of a selection of European giants – with Chelsea, Real Madrid and Manchester City all rumoured to be bidding.
I must say I’m enjoying his trademark Mohican hairstyle, but then I’m yet to road-test it in public…


Poor Villas-Boas’s family hate him for joining Chelsea

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NEW Chelsea manager Andre Villas-Boas should have stayed at Porto – that’s according to both his bank manager and his family.
When the Portuguese – who paid his own 15m Euro release clause in order to move to England – was asked about the amount Chelsea were paying him, he said: “I can assure you that Porto could beat that offer.
“They were ready to make a competitive offer for me to stay, but I took the challenge.”
In addition to the financial ‘hit’, he said that his own family were against the move.
He told reporters: “I’ve made some very difficult moves in my life. One of them was leaving a crazy salary at Inter Milan, as an assistant, to join the bottom club in Portugal, Academica.
“So I just felt it inside me that I should take the opportunity and the move.
“Against the will of everybody, against the will of my family, I took that.
“We have spent seven years moving around from London to Milan to Coimbra to Porto and now to London. This causes an emotional instability in any family.
“Let’s see if we’re speaking when I get back. Maybe my bags will be waiting for me at the door…”

Korean women blame loss on lightning strike

SHOCKING news from the Women’s World Cup – North Korea’s losing women claim they were hit by lightning during a training session.
North Korea coach Kwang Min Kim claims that some of his players were still recovering from being hit by lightning during training after his team lost 2-0 to America.
He said: “When we stayed in Pyongyang during training our players were hit by lightning, and more than five of them were hospitalised.
“Some stayed in hospital and then came to Germany later than the rest of us.
“The goalkeeper and the four defenders were most affected, and some midfielders as well. The physicians said the players were not capable of participating in the tournament.
“But World Cup football is the most important and significant event for a footballer, so they don’t want to think about anything but football.
“The fact that they played could be called abnormal, the result of very strong will.”
Okay, Goaltastic will allow him this excuse – it’s not like he can use it again, is it?

Naked footballer pics threat on Twitter

A MYSTERY Twitter user has threatened to post naked pictures of a host of Premier League stars.
The peeping tom claims to have captured dressing room photographs of virtually all the league’s big names.
So far compromising captures of Craig Bellamy and Joe Hart have been posted – and more have been threatened to follow.
The Twitter user told Manchester United’s Michael Owen he had filmed him in the shower, while Everton’s Phil Neville was informed he had been watched naked around 20 times.
In one post he said: “My perfect day was when I seen Joe Hart in the shower for the 1st time.”
Bellamy and Hart’s club Manchester City have had the account blocked, and police say they will investigate any complaints.

Rooney’s Glasto fight night

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WAYNE Rooney may not have been on the pitch much over the past weekend but he still managed to notch an unenviable hat-trick while partying at Glastonbury festival – by reportedly getting into three scraps.
During Elbow’s Saturday night set – which by all accounts was not exactly rabble-rousing material – the Manchester United and England striker ended up getting into three seperate scuffles with drunken festival-goers heckling him and wife Coleen.
It was not all bad for Wayne though – he managed to fight his way onto the video screen backdrop for headliner Beyonce’s set at the Pyramid stage on Sunday.

Arsenal pole position to sign player with improbable hair

IVORY Coast international Gervinho is targeting a move away from Lille in France – and he has singled out Arsenal as a cut above.
The attack-minded midfielder became a cult figure at last summer’s World Cup, not for his playing skills – which landed him a man of the match award against Portugal – but for his incredible barnet.
The 23-year-old, a product of the footballing academy that trained Didier Drogba and the Toure brothers, sports two curtains of slicked-down dreadlocks atop his head, held down with a rubber band, which serve only to accentuate his enormous forehead and inch-wide bald patch along the parting.
Lille president Michel Seydoux said: “I have spoken with Gervinho and he wants to play for Arsenal next season.
“This is clear but now we must get an agreement between the two clubs. We have maintained contact but still the Londoners have not presented us with a formal offer.
“Negotiations are ongoing but Gervinho has demanded a solution to the situation soon.”